Monday Madness

Ramblings of a not really starving, but not really making any money either, author. 

The second installment of Monday Madness.

What if I am not as good of a writer as I want to be?

I know my grammar skills are rusty, Honors English has failed me. I have forgotten everything I learned back in high school. 

But seriously, what if my writing is only good enough to be okay. Never going to be good enough to get a contract, have a company fall in love with it, get an agent, get published, get anything other than sent to a few of my closest online friends?

I guess this all comes from watching my favorite up and coming authors making it big, while I am still just sitting here, on my couch, watching my minimal sales of my self-published e-book get to fewer and fewer and finally stop completely.

What if everyone was right? That I would never make it as an author? That I would fail miserably and have to go get a real job… you know sitting at a blank gray desk in a cubicle, failing at yet another office job that I don’t care about and have no passion for?

I love the characters in my head to much to let them go. But am I ever going to get to that point where I will be awesome? Or will I always just be mediocre?  I have gone through my first book so many times that I could probably recite the entire thing.

I know this is a down in the dumps blog post, but that is just how I feel. Down.

I want to prove all those people wrong, the people who said I was just going to fail at this just like everything else I think is a great idea to try and do.

I just want to give up, but I owe my characters more than that. I need to keep at it.

Rejection letters suck. They really do eat away at you.

Tomorrow I will pick it all back up and start to edit and rework my books, but today, I am going to be upset.


So what's under your hat today?

~M~